Feig Foolishness

As always this review contains spoilers.

So here we are at last. After almost 6 months of constant online comment regarding Sony's planned reboot of the seminal 1984 movie Ghostbusters I have now finally seen the Paul Feig directed 2016 addition to the franchise and can now share with you all as to whether my fears were founded or did the movie actually surprise me and leave me with my tail between my legs.

Before getting into the movie I feel its only fair to touch upon the controversy that has surrounded this film from the day that it was announced. Now I'm fairly sure that everyone reading this is well aware of what has been going on but to quickly summerise the situation fans of the original Ghostbusters, and to a certain extent the sequel were up in arms at the very idea of a beloved classic being rebooted as they believed that it was one of those films that should remain untouched and that if they could not get the Ghostbusters 3 with the original cast that they all desired then there should be no further Ghostbusters movie of any kind.

As the production trundled along the internet became awash with no end of bloggers and youtubers sharing their anger at both the idea itself and the stories that were coming from onset which told of a troubled production and major issues arose following the Sony email hack which told tales of Bill Murray being blackmailed into appearing and so on, this was how ludicrous the vitriol got at its most intense.

All of that aside my ire was raised in March this year when a Reddit user who claimed to have worked on the film in post production posted a complete breakdown of the movies plot. Being as I had no intention of watching the film purely due to my distaste at it even existing I sat down and read his post from beginning to end and once I was finished I was left with an empty feeling in my gut and the thought that surely this could not be true as the words that sat there on my screen read like a crappy straight to dvd ripoff of Ghostbusters and not like a proper Hollywood film.

It wouldn't be long before the first trailer would hit the internet and the fanboys exploded at what was simply put an abomination of a trailer that seemed to not only confirm some of the Reddit users post but went further by showing that nothing could prepare us for how bad the film was going to be. In fact fan reaction was so bad that that first trailer has gone on to be the most downliked trailer in the history of Youtube (currently standing on 966,000 down votes).

I'm not going to get into the terrible marketing campaign or Sony's cries of misogyny but it became crystal clear during the run up to the movies release that virtually everything that the leaked plot had claimed was indeed 100% accurate which left me even more determined to not give any of my time to what I saw as an abomination and complete waste of celluloid. After reading many reviews since Ghostbusters release, many of which stated that the film was not good but was not as bad as everybody had feared I decided that it was time to bite the bullet and give it a look.

I should point out that as I headed into this film I was carrying a huge chip on my shoulder and was very much bias towards it being a bad film. This seemed ridiculous when you consider that I had never watched a Feig movie or seen anything with any of the four leads in so in the interests of fairness I watched both Spy (written and directed by Feig and starring Melissa McCarthy) and Bridesmaids (directed by Feig and starring McCarthy and Kristin Wiig) but couldn't make it past the 45 minute mark of either film due to their sheer god awfulness and my desire to not lose any further braincells by continuing to watch such dirge. It was therefore with even more trepidation that I sat down to watch Feigs Ghostbusters.

So the 2016 version of Ghostbusters begins in a mansion where a guide is leading a tour whilst recanting stories of the famous family that had previously lived there. Now for me this is where the problems begin for two reasons, firstly whilst it is different to the original in its setting and basic premise it still comes across as nothing more than an updated version of how the original Ghostbusters opened and whilst in 2016 the effects are meant to be better and they did look ok it still didn't hit the same high note that the 1984 opening did and still does even 30+ years later. Secondly the dialogue is an issue from the getgo (and believe me it becomes a HUGE deal as the film goes on) as the tour guide delivers lines that feel like they belong in a spoof movie along the lines of Airplane or similar films of that ilk rather than a more conventional comedy like this is meant to be. For example he says such things as the residents had anti Irish security fitted and a particular room is where PT Barnum stayed before he enslaved elephants. Now I get that this is supposed to be funny but it really wasn't at least not for me and as such immediately got my back up and compounded my sense of dread.

After the copycat opening we meet Erin who is about to get tenure at Columbia University when she discovers that a book she once wrote about the existence of ghosts has turned up online after her former friend Abi has begun selling it to further fund her own research into the paranormal. This leads to a moment between Erin and the Universities dean in which we get our first real taste of the directors anti male message as the dean hints that Erin is not dressing sexily enough. Now I should state that whilst many people have been complaining that this film is incredibly anti men I personally don't have any more of a problem with that than I did with the idea of the four leads being women (as I've previously stated it could have been four Ghostbusters played by Bruce Campbell and I still would not have been onboard with the notion that this film needed to be made) but it does get a bit grinding with the relentless in your face men are bad mmmkay message that Feig wants to portray.

So Erin goes to ask Abi to take the book of the internet and it is here that we are introduced to Holtzmann who is the quirky new friend of Abi and who is a nuclear technician of sorts who is responsible for building all the ghost cacthing machines that the Ghostbusters will use later in the film. Now some viewers have listed Kate McKinnon as Holtzmann as one of the highlights of an otherwise dull movie but I would have to say that I strongly disagree with this assessment. For me McKinnon is nothing more than irritating with her zaniness which goes so over the top that it actually acts as a distraction and takes you out of the movie rather than adding an extra dimension to it. Oh and as for Abi well she appears before Erin wearing a helmet which is clearly a copy of the one used by Egon on Louis Tully again in the original film.

So we jump back to the mansion where the three of them encounter their first ghost which vomits slime all over Erin in what will become a running gag throughout the movie. During this sequence Holtzmann eats pringles to further emphasise her outlandish character and Abi uses a PKE meter which looks like the sort of light up toy that you can but at any good fireworks display. Erin gets fired and joins the other two to investigate ghosts and we get the first of a couple of digs at online fans who criticised the movie. We also get a Degeneration X reference (thats wrestling for the uninitiated) and a stupid flipping the bird sequence which again did nothing for me.

Next up we meet both Patty (who works in the subway) and the movies villian Rowan who does nothing of any note throughout the films entire duration and whose motivation is touched upon but is never really fully fleshed out, he just appears at the necessary moments to advance the plot. In the subway Rowan calls forth a ghost which Patty sees and runs away scared. Meanwhile Erin and co are looking for a headquarters and they visit the firestation from the original film (stop the pain already) which they can't afford so they end up based over Abi's local Chinese restaurant so that we can have plenty of jokes about Wantons which Abi loves.

Above the restaurant Holtzman needlessly dances (which is dumb, dumb, dumb) and Abi hands out flyers promoting their business but inadvertantly uses the slogan of the anti terrorism movement in America which I suppose is meant to be funny but just isn't. Now it's time to meet Chris Hemsworth as Kevin who is the dumbest person in the city, if not the country or the world. How dumb is he? Well his dog is named Michael Hat which leads to hilarity when he asks if Mike Hat can come to work and Abi thinks he is asking to bring his cat in, you see its a genius play on words. Other golden nuggets from Kevin include stating that aquariums are submarines for fish, covering his eyes when he is told not to listen (he does this twice) and leaving work to partake in a hide and seek tournament. None of this is funny really but is typical of what I've seen from Feig and is therefore unsurprising but honestly it has no place in a film that claims to be a comedy let alone one with the title Ghostbusters.

Patty shows up (how did she know where to go) and tells them about the ghost she saw and so they all head off to the subway where their equipment doesnt work as planned and the ghost is splattered by a train which kind of makes no sense in my humble opinion. Also whilst they are down there they meet a graffiti artist who spraypaints an anti ghost picture which Holtzmann embraces as the future Ghostbusters logo. Following on from the subway altercation the team heads back to the restaurant where Patty (who they literally met mere hours before) puts herself in the team for no other reason that she knows the city and can get a car from her uncle, this is apparently more than enough to convince the others that she is qualified to join what is in effect a scientific outfit. Now yes Winston was not a scientist in the first film but he was employed due to the workload the Ghostbusters were facing, here they have yet to even catch a ghost and don't know if they even have a business to run let alone one that needs extra help.

Let's skip over some of the plot filler by just listing certain things that happen which either were stupid or irritated me -

Patty seems to know an awful lot about the others despite never having spent anytime with them

We get a stupid scene where Abi tests some equiptment and gets flung around by the power of it

Rowan plods along not really doing much of anything and just being dull

The name Ghostbusters is dreamt up by a news broadcaster

At one point they actually refer to themselves as three scientists and Patty, just to hammer home the point that she is the odd one out (and not because of the colour of her skin, honest)

They leave their HQ dressed normally in the new Ecto 1 (another throwback to the original) and arrive at where their destination in the new uniforms, how in the hell did they get changed? Especially Holtzmann who was driving.

Their entry into the rock concert (where a ghost has been seen) once more rips off the original movie where the three Ghostbusters enter the hotel to battle Slimer

Patty questions herself as to why she joined before they even encounter the ghost which is ludicrous as they only let her join because she insisted.

The reaction of the musicians and the crowd makes no sense as they would all be terrified, especially the lead singer who is attacked by the ghost but moments later is up and singing like nothing happened.

The Ghostbusters run around firing off their nuclear powered proton streams without a care in the world, if the original movie taught us anything it is that messing with the streams is extremely hazardous to ones health.

The crowd surfing joke is just crap

Ozzy Osbournes cameo is just pointless

So they catch the dragon ghost and meet an unbeliever back at their HQ who just so happens to be Bill Murray making a cameo as somebody completely different from Peter Venkman which is one of the huge issues I take with this film. Now I get that having the original cast cameo is playing lipservice to those fans who are coming from a place of love for the 1984 Ghostbusters but having them appear as somebody new makes no sense and is frankly insulting to those of us who are obsesses with the original film. Anyway Erin releases the ghost to prove to Bill that it's real and it promptly throws him out of a window to his death which is one way is stupid, stupid, stupid but in another is a merciful release from the nonsense for Mr Murray.

Following Bills death we get another example of the evil man when a police officer questions the Ghostbusters about the death and belittles their story about a ghost which leads to a cringe inducing conversation about Patrick Swayze, oh and there is no further mention of Bills death so I guess the ladies are not suspects despite their unbelievable tale.

The Ghostbusters then meet the Mayor who is a man so must be either a sexist pig, a coward or an idiot to fit this films narrative and he tells them to stop catching ghosts (despite them actually at this point having zero ghosts in their possession having let the one they had caught go) and to let the men from homeland security handle it.

Back at HQ the team figure out Rowans plan and go to the hotel he works at to stop him which they believe they have done when he kills himself, though they don't figure out that this will now make him a ghost which seems fairly obvious when you think about it. So of course he comes back and possesses Abi which leads to Patty acting a stereotypical as any black actress has in the last 40 years or so, and then Rowan possesses Kevin who goes to turn Rowans machine on to unleash a torrent of ghosts on the city just like in the sodding original. Erin goes to see the Mayor and we get a Jaws reference, why I don't know but by this point I no longer care.

Then its time for another original Ghostbuster to cameo, this time its Dan Akroyd as a New York cabbie who in a bizarre moment of pure metaness makes a comment regarding the ghosts that would seem to indicate that he is actually Ray Stantz which of course makes no sense whatsoever.

We then get Slimer making an appearance as he steals the Ecto 1 and takes it for a joyride (don't even get me started on that one) and the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man shows up as a parade balloon who crushes Abi, Holtzmann and Patty but is defeated by a swiss army knife to the ass from Erin and if you think that's bad you ain't seen nothing yet.

Meanwhile evil Kevin uses his powers to freeze all of the army and police into a pose ready for a dance number which should take place here in the film but was chopped and put over the end credits when somebody somewhere saw sense, don't kid yourself though this part of the film is definately where it was meant to be. The Ghostbusters have a massive battle with an army of ghosts despite having only fought two ghosts to this point and having never really tested all of their new toys. This is even more stupid when you consider that in the original we get a montage showing the Ghostbusters working their asses off catching a number of ghosts before they have to fight the big end of film villian.

In particular Holtzmann gets a sequence where she fights a number of ghosts but the whole thing just looks like a really bad greenscreen moment and the ghosts themselves wouldn't look out of place in a scooby doo movie. Right on cue Slimer drives by and inexplicably has a female Slimer sat in the passenger seat which could be considered one of the dumbest moments in the movie and when you consider how dumb the majority of this film is thats saying something.

Inside the hotel at the epicentre of the disturbance the team square off against evil Kevin who makes a Peter Pan reference and we get another ripoff of the original film when Patty shoots down a chandelier. We then get ANOTHER original film ripoff when the Ghostbusters are given the chance to choose the form in which Rowan will appear, this form just so happens to be the Ghostbusters logo. His first transformation is into a cartoon version of the logo (I kid you not) and then he becomes a skyscraper sized version of the logo as he smashes out of the building he is in which would have killed all of the soldiers and officers led on the street outside but of course none of them suffer a scratch.

Anyway the Ghostbusters manage to make Slimer drive into the vortex that Rowan has opened whilst at the same time manging to detonate the nuclear device that is on Ecto 1's roof in what is frankly a helluva shot. All of the ghosts (well those that haven't been killed by the team, more on that in a moment) are sucked into the vortex except Rowan who is too powerful. Fear not however as the four of them shoot him in the crotch to distract him enough that he too goes into the vortex. I cannot even begin to go into all the ways that this is just pathetic, dumb, makes no sense etc but this review is long enough without going into a rant about that particular turn of events.

As Rowan is being pulled into the vortex he takes Abi with him which drives Erin to attach herself to a tow cable and dive in after them to save her friend which again looks terrible but when compared to what has come before probably isn't that bad I guess. The two of them are of course pulled to safety and we find that all of the destruction that took place in the city has been miraculously repaired as we can't have another summer movie destroying the city now can we?

The movie closes with Ernie Hudson showing up as Pattys uncle and then we fade to the credits during which we get some more 'jokes' and a Sigorney Weaver cameo as Holtzmanns mentor, oh and don't forget that bloody ridiculous dance sequence which ranks right up there as one of the most preposterous moments in cinematic history. Oh and if you can be bothered to sit through the end creidits then you will be treated to a mention of the name Zuul as Feig and co hedge their bets and hope they will get a sequel.

So that was the 2016 Ghostbusters reboot in all its godawful glory. Yes I will admit that the movie was always facing an uphill battle to win me over but there is not one single redeemable moment here that I can grab hold of and list as a positive, I really wish there was but there really isn't.

The dialogue is terrible though this is no surprise based on what has come before from the pen of Paul Feig, the characterisations of the likes of Kevin and Holtzmann are silly in different ways and the film lifts all of its major moments (a some lesser ones) from the 1984 Ghostbusters and not in the same way that the Force Awakens takes its beats from A New Hope. This reboot lacks its own identity and everytime it seems like it might be building one it throws in a blast from 30 years ago and once again loses itself in nostalgia. None of the lead actors here cover themselves in glory though from what I can gather this is pretty much as good as they get which is quite depressing and as well as McKinnon, Leslie Jones as Patty is particularly grating as she is cast as a stereotypical black woman rather than being given a chance to form her own personality.

All in all this film is as bad as I thought it was going to be and nothing any of those who disagree can say will convince me otherwise. My only hope is that this does so poorly at the boxoffice that a sequel doesn't happen (to date it has made $83 million back from the $144 million budget the production was given, and this of course does not factor in marketing costs which as a rule of thumb double the budget). Should this film fail then hopefully it will also convince Hollywood to leave other beloved classics such as Back to the Future alone.

As for scoring Ghostbusters 2016 due to there being absolutley nothing I like about the film it gets a much deserved 0 out of 10.